I just don't get it. I'm not saying I'm above some fascination at the astonishing details, or that I don't see how it's great fodder for comedy, or that I can't fathom the widespread reaction in the media. But an apology to the public? Let me say, as one largely unnoticed blip on the teeming Internet highway, that as far as I'm concerned, Tiger Woods doesn't owe me or anyone outside of those personally affected a thing in regard to this whole mess.
- Does anyone really think Tiger Woods owes the public an apology?
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paulelwork- February 19th, 2010
- "Byline" at Short Story America
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- paulelwork
- February 18th, 2010
I'm very pleased to announce that a new story of mine, "Byline," will be featured as story of the week (starting tomorrow) at a really cool new site, Short Story America. Tim Johnston--a long-time creative-writing instructor, short-story author, and all around good dude in a loose mood--launched the site with the aim to promote and celebrate the art of the short story. SSA maintains a classics library of short stories, along with the contemporary library of featured stories of the week and other interesting content. Such a wonderful idea! Tim even has plans for conventions to bring together lovers of the short-story form. Needless to say, I'm a fan of all these ideas. Membership at SSA is absolutely free and simple to start; if you love short fiction, check it out, become a member, and join hundreds of other short-story lovers in all 50 states and around the world.
I should take a moment to add that "Byline" was inspired in large part by the recent and sudden death of an old friend and colleague of mine, Jeff Harbison. There's a dedication in the story to tell you that, but I think it's worth saying again here. It's a work of fiction and I invented most of the friendship details with an aim to capture how Jeff and I were friends. I'd like to think Jeff would approve of the story, and I miss him a lot.
- A Voice for Freedom Gone Out: Howard Zinn (1922-2010)
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- paulelwork
- January 29th, 2010
Thanks for all the brave thinking and teaching, Howard Zinn, and rest in peace.- You will eat, by and by,
- In that glorious land above the sky;
- Work and pray, live on hay,
- You'll get pie in the sky when you die.
-Joe Hill
"The Preacher and the Slave"
- Vonnegut: Genius at Play
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- paulelwork
- January 24th, 2010
I'm reading a book by Kurt Vonnegut--something that brings me so much happiness. He restoreth my soul, or whatever passes for one in the web of biochemical impulses that makes me me. The book happens to be Deadeye Dick, one of the old master's later works. It must be the fifth or sixth Vonnegut novel I've read over the years. I don't have anything very astute or clever or insightful to say about it at the moment, just a little elegy of gratitude from a stranger. To read Vonnegut's work is to be reacquainted with the wonder and elation of storytelling, to be confronted again with all the mystical power of why anyone would devote so much struggle and disappointment to making up things that never happened to people who never existed. Vonnegut's work is funny and inventive, deeply humanistic and utterly unself-congratulatory. It celebrates and grieves for humanity. And when I read it, it banishes all of my bullshit and fretting about writing--all of that wasted time and psychological energy wondering if I'm fit or capable to sit down and do it again.
Vonnegut once wrote that he finds vicious literary reviews so strange, like someone dressing in full armor and charging a hot fudge sundae. Although he took his writing very seriously, for all his hilarity, and clearly believed there was some redeeming quality in literature for us all, however brutal life may be, I sometimes like to apply this humorous image to the act of writing itself. Have fun, remember what deeper dreams and doubts and regrets and associations brought you here, be true to the complicated mystery of yourself, don't take yourself too seriously, and--charge!
- King of Universe Whiny on Billboards
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- paulelwork
- January 1st, 2010
Out driving today, I saw--not for the first time--a billboard reading, "I miss you saying, 'Merry Christmas.' - Jesus." This is the kind of thing that makes me laugh and grumble at the same time. Is the overwhelming hegemony of Christmas in our society under attack, really? Are some people so threatened by the acknowledgment (always token acknowledgments, next to the tsunami that is the Christmas season) of other traditions at this time of year? I know, I know--people will point to some highly publicized cases of political correctness run amok in which someone was vilified in some way for promoting Jesus or Christmas, but the fact is that Christmas rules the end of the year in American culture. Nothing to be afraid of, Christians. Truth be told, the Christians I know personally don't need a billboard like this because they aren't feeling threatened. I imagine the folks that set up such billboards are just pining for the good old days when xenophobia and intolerance ruled the national consciousness.
I'm not a religious guy (to put it mildly), but isn't it a hair sacrilegious to put words in the mouth of Christ, anyway? A cutesy billboard slogan, no less--one that comes off sounding needling and whiny; that makes Jesus out to be a petulant child who wants all of the marbles--every last one--or will pout, omnipotently. Hey, I'd like to have some fun with Jesus as a pitchman, if it's open season. How about:
"The Easter Bunny isn't fit to carry my jock." - Jesus
Or:
"People of Earth--party naked!" - JesusOr:
"Paul Elwork is the greatest writer to ever draw breath. All writers up to now have been picking their butts, by comparison. Suck it, Shakespeare. Fuck off, Faulkner!" - Jesus
(Just kidding, regarding the two great Bills. I kid because I love.)
It's fun--try it. Have "Jesus" answer your e-mail correspondence, sign your greeting cards, leave sticky note demands on your co-workers' desks. Imagine your Facebook status as updated by Jesus. I think people really are going to be excited that you're making cupcakes, say, when J. C. is declaring it, implied chorus of angels and all.
- Letter to Santa
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- paulelwork
- December 18th, 2009
Just popping in for a little jolly self-promotion. It's a message to the few people who might actually read this blog--and practically a letter to Santa; little more than a dead letter, really--but what the hell. I've got a new story, "A Man Walks into a Bar," up at an online lit journal, apt. If you read it, I hope you like it. Happy holidays and all my best. Peace and love.
- Mr. Monk Stays at the Sleep Inn
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- paulelwork
- August 30th, 2009
I just watched an episode of Monk--a show I get a kick out of it, despite its cheesy excesses--and witnessed the most gratuitous product placement I have ever seen. Way, way past Jerry Seinfeld refreshing his thirst with a Snapple. In the episode Monk investigates a disappearance and a UFO; he also stays at a Sleep Inn. We know this, because he announces it while picking out lodgings, and then the Sleep Inn logo is worked into as many interior and exterior hotel shots as possible. (Not to mention the Sleep Inn bumper adds with tie-ins to the Monk show at commercial breaks.) I didn't count how many shots included the logo but... wow.
There are even human logos in the show. A nice young man who works at the Sleep Inn greets Monk and his assistant Natalie outside the hotel; he's attentive, helpful, and gosh-darn wholesome. Natalie tells this young man, who proudly wears the Sleep Inn polo shirt, that Monk gives the place his "gold star" by only bringing a few cleaning products. In the climax of the show, Monk is escorted out of the hotel by a guard of Sleep Inn employees--it's a long, slow-motion, Right Stuff shot.
I know TV is a business. I know it comes down to money. I know, I know. But... wow. That seems to be the extent of my commentary. I suppose I could work myself into a froth about consumerism run amok, but what else is new? Just can't work up the steam at the moment.
Sidenote: I wonder what the folks at Sleep Inn would pay a guy if he had their logo tattooed on his forehead...
- What the effin crap???
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- paulelwork
- July 7th, 2009
I just got back from the dentist's office, and Fox News was playing on a big screen right in front of the chair. ("Could you shoot the novacaine right into my skull, doc?") I can deal--he's a fantastic dentist. Plus, it's always fun to hear some outlandish, insulting bullshit. Anyway, at one point, one of the pundits said--and I'm heavily paraphrasing, as I heard this through the whirring din of suction and drilling--that it makes no sense to tax rich people because they can afford expensive financial advisors to help them get out of paying taxes, so don't even bother trying to tax them, because they don't want to pay and will figure out a way around it. And his parting thought was that taxing the rich largely caused this whole financial recession. Now, honestly, would it be much more outrageous if he had gone on to say that we have to get on our purple sneakers and suffocate ourselves to meet the mother ship?
- Is John McCain opting out of the I'm-a-crazy-Republican-vote-for-me-anyway cult???
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- paulelwork
- June 22nd, 2009
I just read that McCain said Obama "has done well" so far as president. Well, knock me over with a feather. According to this article, McCain went on to level a few misgivings: that Obama's successes in Congress garnered almost no Republican support, that an alternative for prisoners from Guantanamo Bay should be arrived at before a closing date is announced for Gitmo, and that Obama should be more vocal in his support of Iranian protesters. Now, I'm not saying I agree completely with all or any of these, but they're certainly reasonable issues to raise and shouldn't be dismissed out of hand. This isn't crackpot, alarmist, fear-mongering, Commie-baiting drivel that makes simpletons wave flags like Pavlovian dogs drool. This seems like sober, team-of-rivals, thought-provoking stuff. This looks like the guy I might have voted for several years ago, before he drank the Kool Aid and heeled to Georgie boy.
- Ominous innocence
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- paulelwork
- March 2nd, 2009
Tonight my three-year-old son Gabriel got himself in a timeout, as he often does. Stubborn little man. When my wife Bridget was letting him out of timeout, she had him count to 20, a practice that helps our kids get in control and puts them through a little numbers drill (or at least, that's the idea). Anyway, Gabe skipped number 17, going right from 16 to 18. My wife said, "What about 17?" With a guileless smile, he said, 'Don't worry about 17. It's in a safe place."
